


wishing for you

by seonghwasheart



Series: the jongsang agenda [1]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Domestic Fluff, Feelings, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, It's just cute fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, he's tired of wooyoung, honestly it's very cute, jongho just pines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:09:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23975044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seonghwasheart/pseuds/seonghwasheart
Summary: "Yeosang had always had something different, something beautiful about him that distinguished him from others. An aura about him that drew people in just to admire him. Something Yeosang did not produce to his knowledge. Something not even Jongho could ignore."5 times Jongho didn't tell Yeosang his feelings and the 1 time he finally did.Or, 5 times Jongho wished his hyungs would stop bothering him about how undoubtably he was in love, and the 1 time he finally listened.
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang
Series: the jongsang agenda [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1728568
Comments: 18
Kudos: 262





	wishing for you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> Here's a little something I wrote between working on chapters for Reservoir Chronicle, since it's so heavy. I wanted some fluff! 
> 
> Please enjoy! Thank you for reading!
> 
> as always, follow me @seonghwasheart on twitter if you want to chat about ateez!

**I.**

The first time Jongho realized he had feelings for Yeosang, they were on the set for Say My Name’s music video.

Yeosang, in Jongho’s eyes, had always been beautiful. He had said it many times during their years training together because it had simply just been _true_. Yeosang had always had something different, something beautiful about him that distinguished him from others. An aura about him that drew people in just to _admire_ him. Something Yeosang did not produce to his knowledge. Something not even Jongho could ignore.

When people looked at their pre-debut pictures or videos, everyone would laugh at how young they looked, perhaps laugh at their hair or clothing choices, but there was never anything to laugh about when it had come to Yeosang. Jongho remembered them all showing old pictures at dinner one night in their dorm before debut, Wooyoung and Yeosang both showing pictures together from their old company. And both of them looked incredibly handsome still, but _Yeosang_. He looked like a cherub, like something from a painting—not real. Even before they had proper stylists and makeup artists. It was amazing.

Say My Name was something completely different from Pirate King. No flashy, bright clothing. All of their outfits and hair were darker, more earthy toned, save for the streaks of red in San’s hair. It had a more mature feeling to it. It was good, a good song, and they all wore their outfits well. Jongho had no doubt it would be a success. And as they filmed the video, all excited to show the ‘darker’ versions for the first time, the glass box soon came.

The thing about Yeosang was how _striking_ he was. The stylists had first styles his hair out of his face, parted on the side, and had done a light smoky eye on him to go with his light-colored contacts. When you made eye contact with him, you couldn’t help but to want to keep looking into his eyes. They were mesmerizing— _striking_. Something so hypnotic you could get lost in them. There was a good reason that Yeosang was a visual. He and Wooyoung both.

When it came time for the scene in the box, Jongho was taking a break off to the side with Yunho, fanning himself while trying to suck down as much water as he could. The dance wasn’t _too_ hard, but in their heavy clothes, dancing with the passion they had inside, it sure was. When he heard the call for ‘action!’ and the music began, he couldn’t help but to look over and see what the scene looked like.

The lights had been lowered, a light illuminating the foggy box Yeosang was in from behind and… Jongho felt like time stopped. He was… _ethereal_.

They had changed him into a thicker coat with more decoration, necklaces around his neck matching the chains around his pants, and his hair had been styled into bangs once more. His makeup had been darkened for the shoot, probably to stand out more in the lighting, all against the darkness of his hair, the way the shadows fell on him… he was something else. Jongho didn’t have words for it.

They shot for a little bit, with Yeosang in the box, his hand occasionally pressing to the glass as he looked around, trying to walk, until those stunning eyes met the camera. Jongho was right behind where the cameras were, and he felt like Jongho was staring through to his very soul in front of him. Yeosang was a master at knowing just how to stare, just how to tilt his head, to enthrall those who watched. And he didn’t even _know it_.

He was so captivated he hadn’t even noticed Mingi had joined himself and Yunho behind the cameras.

“… ho. Jongho!”

The boy finally blinked out of his trance to the sound of his roommate’s voice and the gloved hand on his shoulder. He blinked a few times, lowering the hand fan as Mingi grinned at him. Oh no, had they been watching him stare?

“Are you tired? You never space out that bad. Want to sit down or anything?” Oh, thank God, he hadn’t noticed. Yunho just smiled and turned his attention to Yeosang. Okay, maybe Yunho noticed. But his oblivious roommate thankfully hadn’t.

“Yeah—yeah, I might sit down for a minute. I think Yunho and I are up next.” Jongho did move aside to sit on one of the prop columns, still fanning himself, but now out of the eyes of Yunho and Mingi, he looked back to where Yeosang was still shooting.

The scene of one of them in the darker outfits walking around the box containing Yeosang began. Jongho had forgotten who it was—didn’t matter much. Because for a second, for a split second, Jongho wished it was him under the gaze of his hyung. The one walking around, watching him, with those eyes staring into his own.

Wait, did he?

He had admitted before that, yes, Yeosang was beautiful. Ethereal, even. Not of this world. He could find his hyung beautiful and not have a crush on him, right? Not that there was anything wrong with it, but… did he? Yeosang was always very gentle and kind with him, even when he was teasing the others, he was nicer to Jongho. It was probably because he was the maknae, sure, but… Jongho liked that he was treated differently. Maybe it was something special?

The director yelled ‘cut!’ and Jongho watched Yeosang come out of the box to the crew clapping, watching how Yeosang’s ears turned red as he grinned and bowed. They were all very different when they turned their ‘professional’ personalities off, but Yeosang’s was quite dramatic. From an untouchable being to one of the softer members. God, he really was developing feelings, wasn’t he?

Yeosang walked off the set and back towards Jongho. The boy panicked for a second, wondering if Yeosang had seen him staring, until he realized he had sat himself down next to a table where there were bottles of water. Right. That was there.

“Ah, so much pressure.” Yeosang was still smiling, embarrassed, as he took one of the bottles and began to quickly down it. His ears were very red, even with makeup over them. He could almost see the red of his cheeks peeking through the foundation. It was cute. Yeosang was cute. “Doing individual scenes, especially ones like that, there’s so much pressure having everyone watching you. Making sure you don’t mess up.”

Jongho wished Yeosang was less hard on himself but being critical of oneself did help with improvement. He just wished he was _less_ critical.

“You did perfect, hyung. You looked really good up there.” Easy, simple, no one would suspect he was going through a crisis about the fact that he was developing feelings for Yeosang.

“You think so?”

“Yeah. The way the light hit your face was really beautiful. Striking.” Okay, maybe that was a little flirty—but San was like that to Seonghwa and Wooyoung, so maybe it would be fine. He watched Yeosang laugh his cute, deep little laugh. He was still embarrassed. Jongho’s heart picked up a little bit in his chest.

“Thank you. I hope the cuts make it into the music video. I hope they come out good.”

Jongho wanted to scream from the rooftops how good he had looked, but embarrassing Yeosang would have hurt him more than if Jongho didn’t say anything. Yet the younger still found himself opening his mouth to speak, but one of the stylists was calling for Jongho and Yunho for touchups before some of their individual shoots.

“Ah, that’s your call.” Yeosang gave Jongho’s shoulder a little pat as the younger nodded and walked off towards where he had left Yunho and Mingi. When he glanced back, he watched Yeosang sit down by himself and drink his water. He still looked pretty.

Yunho threw an arm around Jongho’s shoulder and led him back away from the cameras, towards the little setup the stylists had in another room.

“So, he’s beautiful, huh? Striking?” Oh no. Yunho had noticed that too. Jongho groaned and covered his face with his hand while the older just laughed and tugged him closer. “It’s cute. Jongho has a little crush~”

“I don’t—I don’t have a crush. He was worried he didn’t do a good job and I wanted to make sure he knew he did a very good job. San talks like that to _everyone_ , maybe I’ve just been hanging around him too much.” Sure, put all of the blame on San.

“Mm, but he doesn’t get lose in everyone’s eyes before he compliments them. Nor does he stare at them like they hung the stars in the sky. And San does it to everyone. You’ve just done it to Yeosang.”

Jongho had never been more thankful to see their stylists. He hurried out from under Yunho’s hold to get changed, hair fixed, and makeup touched him. Thankful for the distraction of them talking about the shoot and everything. Yunho had seen too much. Yunho _knew_ too much. Mingi, maybe. And if he did, he’d be loud about it. Because Mingi was sunshine itself in person who loved to tease Jongho. He could only hope.

He thought he’d been out of Yunho’s grasp when they left too, but the elder just caught right up to him. Hands behind his back, smile wide on his face.

“Hyung, please, I _don’t_. Even if I did, it doesn’t _matter_.”

“What doesn’t matter?”

Jongho looked up to see Yeosang and Wooyoung walking over to them, fans in their hand. Seonghwa was finishing up his scene, then it would be their turn. Yeosang had been the one to speak, and before Jongho could answer, Yunho was pushing himself forward towards the boys.

“Oh, Jongho was just—”  
  
“Jongho was just saying it doesn’t matter that he’s a little tired and should maybe sit some more, he has work to do.” Jongho placed a hand to Yunho’s arm to stop him, but Wooyoung just quirked an eyebrow up at them. Nothing was going to get past him when it came to Yeosang.

“Oh, is that why you were sitting in the corner earlier? Sorry, Jongho. I didn’t mean to bother you.” Yeosang looked a little worried, but Jongho, trying to compose himself, just waved a hand in response. Yunho laughed a little. Jongho could have killed him.

“No, it’s fine, hyung. I sat as long as I could before the stylists needed me.”

Wooyoung walked up and pinched at the maknae’s ear, a very excited grin forming on his lips. “Jongho’s ears are red! Why are your ears turning red? Are you hot or something?”

Jongho tried swatting at Wooyoung, but Yunho just joined him and started pinching his other ear. To which Yeosang thought they were poking fun at him for being cute and proceeded to step forward and poke at the maknae’s cheeks. Everyone having a great time except Jongho, who had short circuited and stopped trying to bat everyone away the second Yeosang touched him.

“Geez, Jongho, your ears really _are_ hot. Are you okay?” Wooyoung was still teasing him, but there was a little concern to his voice.

“I—I--” Jongho stuttered as he looked to Yeosang who, in his concern, had taken his fingers back and tilted his head at him. Staring at him, eyes wide, just like he had in the box. Just like Jongho had wished he had been in front to witness. “I’m going to be late for my shoot, I just realized. Excuse me, hyungs.”

Jongho excused himself with a clearing of his throat, hurrying away from the situation, his cheeks beginning to burn. He could still hear Wooyoung talking as he hurried off.

“Seriously. Is Jongho okay, Yunho? He’s acting weird.”

“Oh, Jongho is fine.” Jongho could hear the sneaky smirk in Yunho’s voice. “In fact, I’d say he’s _better than ever_.”

**II.**

After the Say My Name incident, Jongho had gotten better at hiding his crush on Yeosang. He’d gone through the cycle of wondering if he had a crush or not, denying it, accepting it, then denying again a few times before he had officially accepted that he had a crush on his groupmate. It was fine. As long as he remained professional and kept it secret, never letting his feelings be known, his friendship with Yeosang and the group’s future would be fine.

On sets, it was easy to hide his feelings. He could be admiring everyone, making comments to them, and could make comments about Yeosang that seemed normal for the situation. No one would suspect a thing. He could find places to sit and talk to everyone and still have his eye on his favorite hyung when he was around. Life was easiest that way.

What was hard was when they were at the dorm together. Sometimes their schedules were different, sometimes people left to get food or see a friend, but when they were all together, they tried their best to do something altogether. Not just hide away in their rooms and do whatever they liked.

The issue was with Yunho and Wooyoung specifically. Jongho was entirely certain that Yunho had told Wooyoung about his crush on Yeosang. Lately, in everything they did, Wooyoung would grin at him when Yeosang was nearby, or do his best to make sure they sat close at interviews unless the managers decided where they would sit. Yunho just went along with it like it was normal and fine, which meant Mingi and San also did. It was terrible. Awful. Embarrassing.

“ _Jonghooo_!” He heard Wooyoung calling him before he saw the boy appear in the doorway of his and Mingi’s room. “Come on, we’re watching a movie!”

“Thanks, but I’m fine. I’ve got a drama I’ve been watching.” Which was fair enough. He was sitting on his bunk watching something on his laptop. Wasn’t like he was lying to get out of Wooyoung’s ploy.

The older pouted, looking behind him before taking a step into the room. “Please? Hongjoong-hyung is in the studio, San, Mingi, and Yunho are gaming in San and Yunho’s room, Seonghwa-hyung made popcorn, and—oh! _Yeosangie_ is the one who asked if you were going to come and watch with us~”

Jongho freezed at the comment about Yeosang. Because he knew it was entirely possible that Yeosang, as kind and good natured as he was, asked if Jongho was going to come and spend time with them instead of being alone. He also knew that Wooyoung knew about his crush and might be making stuff up to tease him and play into his little game.

Jongho lifted his head and looked towards the grinning boy. “I don’t know what Yunho-hyung has told you, but no.”

“Oh, Yunho didn’t have to tell me much of _anything_. You’re much more obvious than you realize. You’re just lucky that Yeosang hasn’t noticed. He just thinks you’re finally opening up to all of us and he’s _happy_ about that. You’re not going to tell me no and make me tell Yeosang, who’s going to be upset and _worried_ because you’re alone.”

“He won’t be worried—are you _guilt tripping me_?”

“I don’t know, Jongie.” Wooyoung, still smirking, held his hands behind his back and leisurely strolled out of the room. “I guess we’ll find out later when you don’t come if I was or not!”

Jongho watched Wooyoung leave and managed to stay seated in his room for a total of three minutes before sighing, closing his laptop, and heading out to the living room. Stupid Wooyoung, knew exactly what he was doing. Jongho couldn’t imagine making Yeosang upset, even in the slightest. So, he’d play into Wooyoung’s game. He didn’t know what all it entailed, but he had a feeling it was nothing good.

It wasn’t.

When Jongho got into the living room, he noticed the only open space was beside of Yeosang. Wooyoung was against one arm of the couch, Seonghwa next to him with a bowl of popcorn in his lap, and Yeosang next to him so he could get to the bowl, a blanket thrown over his legs. Meaning the only spot was the one against the other arm, next to Yeosang. So, this was Wooyoung’s game. That was fine. He could be relaxed about that. Easy.

“Ah, did you not want to watch your drama?” Yeosang looked really happy to see him. His eyes lit up and all, looking so warm in his big hoodie. Jongho shot Wooyoung a look, who only winked and kept eating the popcorn Seonghwa made.

“Nah, I’ve watched a lot. It’s good to spend time with everyone anyways.” Jongho sat down next to Yeosang, close enough, his arms folded over his stomach.

“Jongho, would you like any?” Seonghwa moved the bowl over to Yeosang’s lap this time. Maybe it was paranoia that the entire dorm knew he had a crush on Yeosang, but he had a feeling Seonghwa had been told something by Wooyoung. Then again, Seonghwa was basically their mom, and he was just feeding him.

“Thanks, hyung.” Jongho reached into the bowl and snacked on the popcorn while Seonghwa brought up the movie. Some romantic drama of sorts. He could relax beside Yeosang and be perfectly calm and collected, thank you. Romantic movie or not.

And it was easy for the most part not to show any feelings on accident. The room was dark, save for the tv, and Wooyoung and Seonghwa kept making jokes at the scenarios in the movie the entire time. Everyone had a good time. Yeosang was laughing, joinging in on the fun, and Jongho was just glad his favorite hyung could have some time to let loose and laugh a little.

It was towards the end of the movie that it became harder. Because at some point during one of the more serious points of the movie, they had all grown quiet, all watching and listening intently. So, Jongho hadn’t noticed Yeosang had fallen asleep beside of him. Not until the elder had moved closer to him, head falling against Jongho’s shoulder. Yeosang hadn’t woken himself up by doing so and was sound asleep against Jongho’s side.

Oh. Oh, that was… very cute. And dangerous. If he blushed, there was no makeup to hide the color of his cheeks or ears. Which only mattered if Yeosang woke up and saw him.

The position was a little uncomfortable, so Jongho moved his arm so it was wrapped around Yeosang’s shoulders loosely, the elder just continuing to rest his head against Jongho’s shoulder. In the darkness of their living room, with Seonghwa and Wooyoung intently watching the movie, Jongho could allow himself this small moment. Moments like these weren’t ones he got very often. He didn’t care for hugs and kisses like the others, preferred them only occasionally, on his terms. Meaning he couldn’t just hug Yeosang when he wanted to (which was all the time) because it would mean giving his secret away.

When the ending credits began rolling, Jongho found himself gazing down at Yeosang’s sleeping form as the soft piano music played. For the briefest of moments, Jongho let himself get lost in how beautiful Yeosang was when he slept. How graceful and peaceful he looked. He must have just showered before the movie, because Jongho could smell fresh apples in his fluffy hair. His body was so warm against Jongho, snuggled under a blanket in a big hoodie, sound asleep. He really was the most beautiful, perfect person Jongho could imagine.

Someone turned the lights back on in the living room and Jongho groaned, using his one free hand to swipe at his eyes.

“What’s going on here?”

That was Hongjoong’s voice. Jongho looked up to three sets of eyes all staring at him, two in confusion and one in absolute glee. Wooyoung happily clapped his hands, cheering to himself, and Jongho raised his hand to try and quieten him down.

“He’s asleep!”

“We can see that, Jongho.” Seonghwa looked over at them, eyebrow raised, but musing a little smile. “The question is, why our sweet maknae, who isn’t always one to be touched, has been cuddling Yeosang for the past 30 minutes? I looked over a while ago and Jongho already had his arm around Yeosangie’s shoulders.”

Hongjoong moved to sit down in front of the couch where they all were, obviously interested, a smile growing on him too. Great, now two more people knew his deep, dark secret.

“My plan worked!” Wooyoung pumped his fist into the air, ever gleeful. “I knew he couldn’t resist!”

“You planned this? Wait— what’s going on?” Hongjoong looked between Jongho’s and Wooyoung, his finger following his line of sight.

“Jongho has a crush on Yeosang!”  
  
This time, Hongjoong’s finger landed on Jongho’s red face, eyebrows raising in surprise. “You? You have a crush on Yeosang? How long have I spent in the studio to not have noticed that?”

“Well, if you came home…” That earned Seonghwa a kick from Hongjoong, who just smiled wider and rolled his eyes.

“ _You’re_ home all the time and never noticed.” Hongjoong turned his attention back to Jongho, something a little more serious in his eyes. “You really like him, don’t you? I’m going to assume he doesn’t know that.”

“Jongho has liked Yeosang since we filmed for Say My Name.” Wooyoung spoke it proudly too. “Yunho told me. But it didn’t take much for me to notice.”

Seonghwa gasped light and whipped his head around to Jongho. “You’ve liked him all these _months_? And didn’t _tell_ us?”  
  
Hongjoong snorted a laugh. “Told you. Always home, never noticed.” This time, Hongjoong got a kick from Seonghwa.

“Look—it isn’t a big deal, okay?” Jongho tried to speak quietly, trying not to move, so he didn’t stir Yeosang awake. “It’s not something I’m going to act on. I won’t put our team in danger like that. I won’t risk the relationship he and I have either. It’s ok. Honestly, I’m fine like this. Having hyung by my side and him just being himself is fine enough.”

All of them gave him rather somber, sympathetic looks. Hongjoong was the one who reached a hand out to rest on Jongho’s knee.

“It’s risky, yes. But you’ve always been more mature in your thinking, Jongho. So, you also know that even if you did act on it, at any point, all of us would be behind you guys. With everything we have, we’d protect you. That’s what a team is for.”

Jongho smiled warmly at that, nodding his head slowly, still trying not to disturb Yeosang. “I know, hyung. Thank you.”

“Good.” Seonghwa slowly stood up, offering his hand out to Hongjoong to help him up off the floor. “Jongho, why don’t you carry Yeosang to bed? Wooyoung and I will clean up the living room.”

“Yeosang can sleep on my bottom bunk tonight. Don’t worry about lifting him up onto the top bunk.” Wooyoung waved a hand at him and started folding up some of the blankets they’d had out. Jongho was thankful he wouldn’t have to carry Yeosang to the top bunk, at least.

Gently, Jongho turned his body so he could get his other arm under Yeosang’s knees, other arm firm around his shoulders, so he could gently hoist the boy up bridal style. Even as he did all of that and walked down the hallway to Yeosang and Wooyoung’s room, the older never woke up. He must have really been tired.

Jongho gently laid Yeosang down, careful to place his head on a pillow, and slowly pulled the blankets over his hyung’s body. Jongho gave himself just a second more to watch Yeosang before turning to go.

“Jongho?”

The deep, groggy voice called out to him, and who would Jongho have been to ignore it? He turned back around to see Yeosang rubbing his eyes. “Is the movie over?”  
  
“Yeah, hyung. You fell asleep, so Seonghwa-hyung had me bring you to bed. Wooyoung said you could sleep in his bunk tonight.”

Yeosang gave a little nod, eyes still closed, and patted the side of the bed, signaling for Jongho to come and sit. Which, of course, he did. Yeosang, upon feeling the boy’s weight, just reached a hand out to curl into the bottom of Jongho’s shirt.

“I’m really glad you decided to come and spent time with us.” Yeosang’s voice was already drifting away again, his fingers already loosening on Jongho’s shirt.

“We should do it again sometime, hyung.” Yeosang gave a weak little nod, and Jongho watched as Yeosang succumbed once more to sleep. His fingers had lost their grip on his shirt, and his breathing evened back out.

Jongho wanted to say so much more. Yeosang was so kind, so truly warmhearted, had wanted to make sure Jongho was included and happy, and he was so much more than Jongho ever deserved.

Even before they debuted, Yeosang had always been the one to treat everyone the same, making sure everyone was welcome, taken care of, and _seen_. He did it in his own quiet ways, but it was something Jongho always noticed and appreciated. Because to be included, to have everyone together, was something Yeosang valued. Saw to be precious and necessary. Someone as kind as he was shouldn’t exist.

Yeosang being the most ethereal man on the planet was just icing on the already delicious cake, really.

And as much as Jongho wanted to speak into the night about how much he cared for his hyung, he just stood, tucked Yeosang back in, and turned the light off as he left the room, not wishing to break the wonderful spell the night gave him.

“You know, he really does care about you. I think it’s worth telling him. Doesn’t he deserve to know?”  
  
Wooyoung was leaning up against the wall of his and Mingi’s room, and Jongho could hear the cheering of the other boys gaming in the other room. Jongho glanced back at where he’d left Yeosang, head shaking as he walked past Wooyoung.

“Not now. Not for a while, at least. I need to make sure… _my_ feelings are in order. If he rejected me now, I don’t know how easy I could accept it. I’d be upset, you know? I don’t want to act differently towards him. I want everything to stay as nice as it is now. When he rejects me, I want to be able to bounce back easier. I don’t want to hurt him or make it weird. I just… need time, if I ever decide to.”

Wooyoung nodded at him, both surrendering to the silent acceptance between them. “If you ever decide to, we’ve got your back. Everything will be fine.”

Jongho hoped he was right.

**III.**  
  
  
It was almost time for Wonderland’s comeback. It had been a couple months since the movie incident, which no one spoke of, but Jongho had felt the eyes of his hyungs on him ever since. Fans had been making edits and videos and things of himself and Yeosang, and while he first feared they had noticed, he soon realized it was _all_ of them getting stuff like that made. So maybe he looked them up occasionally, it was fine. No one had to know. The other pairings made sense too.

They had been spending hours in the practice room, pouring over the choreography until their bodies gave out, then onto lessons where Jongho practiced until his throat was sore. All in a day’s work for a comeback. They were gaining more and more fans, still going off the high of their first win months before, and every time they got on stage, they were ready to present an even better version of themselves.

Today was no different. They had been practicing the choreo for probably four hours when they decided to take a substantial break of maybe 30 minutes. All of them sitting or laying on the floor, guzzling water, drenched in sweat, just trying to catch their breath. At some point even the mirrors had begun to fog up.

“We need ice cream.” San spoke loudly from his place laying on the floor, his hand slapping at the ground like a kid. “Ice cream! It’s hot, we’ve earned it!”

Actually, something cold like ice cream sounded nice. And they had worked out a lot that day, a little ice cream as a treat wouldn’t hurt anyone who was dieting. Jongho pushed his hair back from his face and sat himself back up, pulling at his sweat covered shirt as it clung to him. “I can go get some.”

“Jongho, what a good maknae!” San sat back up, grinning wide to show off his dimples, pushing his own hand through his hair. “Always taking such good care of the hyungs, ah, what a model person we have on our team!”

“You don’t have to butter me up—but I do appreciate compliments.” Jongho smiled at the older boy, who just laughed. “Give me a second to cool down and I’ll head out.”

Hongjoong, who had sat himself against the wall at the back of the room, waved a hand at the two of them to get their attention. “Someone needs to go with Jongho. Just in case.” Just in case he might be noticed, mobbed, whatever. “It can be one of you, or someone can go grab a manager. But use the buddy system.”

Ah, the second they said buddy system, he felt the eyes on him. He half expected Mingi or Yunho to volunteer, but no one was volunteering to go. Because that meant walking and not relaxing during their little break. Jongho didn’t mind. He was a good youngest member and was also fine with taking a breather outside.

“I’ll grab one of the managers. I’ll get a few different flavors too.” Jongho stood to his feet, ready to grab one of the member’s hats to wear out. He’d get cherry, chocolate, maybe a vanilla, see what other flavors the convenience store had. He wouldn’t buy mint chocolate and start that again.

“Yeosangie, why don’t you go?” Seonghwa spoke from his spot next to San, looking to Yeosang, who was sitting up against the glass. Wooyoung perked his head up at that. Oh no.

“Yeah, Sangie can go with him and help pick out the flavors.” Wooyoung moved over to sit next to san, handing him one of the water bottles they had brought in. “He knows the good flavors.”

Yeosang seemed surprised that he was the one being called out but seemed to take pride in being the _ice cream expert_. So, he nodded his head and stood up, fixed his hair in the practice room mirror, and started walking over to Jongho.

They all still liked to tease him about liking Yeosang. Over the months he was sure San knew. If nothing else because of Wooyoung and Seonghwa. Mingi… the thing about Mingi was he was goofy, fun, but he was _smart_. Mingi could pick up on the smallest thing and remember it forever. That’s why he was so good at writing lyrics and recording. Once he knew what he wanted to say, he could remember every detail of how he rehearsed it, making him one of the easiest to record in the studio.

Plus, he had picked up producing as easy as anything else. Jongho admired him. Because he never spoke about how intelligent he was, just worked hard and had fun. Everyone liked to poke fun at him for forgetting things sometimes or just being plain funny, but they all knew how smart he was. Which meant there was no way Mingi didn’t know. He was just waiting to confront Jongho about it once he had solid proof, probably.

“Okay, time to go then. Does anyone else want anything?” Jongho paused by the door, as did Yeosang.

“Don’t forget spoons!”

“Right. Nothing else?” Everyone shook their head. “Got it. We’ll be back, I’ve got my phone on me.” It was like talking to his parents all over again. The convenience store was right next door, so they really wouldn’t take long. Besides, they didn’t have much longer until the break was going to be over anyways. So, they planned on hurrying regardless.

“What flavors are you thinking, hyung?” Scanning the cases filled with all different brands from all different countries, he was unsure what to get. Yeosang had stuck beside him, a finger pressed to his lip as he examined their selection. God, how was that so cute? Jongho would blame the fact that Yeosang had pulled his shirt over his hands as he so often did, and as well on how fluffy his hair was from the wind outside.

Was he staring again?

“Mm… we’ll get four? Cherry-vanilla for sure, maybe chocolate peanut butter… oh!” Yeosang’s eyes lit up as he knelt down in front of the case, finger pointing to one particular flavor. “I like this one! It’s coconut and sea-salt caramel. It’s good.”

“We can get those. Should we get a plain chocolate or vanilla too?” Jongho knelt down beside of Yeosang, simply because he could, pretending he was looking at the myriad of flavors around them. “Maybe vanilla. That’s more of a refreshing flavor. And the chocolate peanut butter can be the heavier flavor we get.”

Yeosang nodded in agreement and opened up the case to grab the flavors. The happy light in his eyes as he examined the sweets was something Jongho wished he could keep in the boy’s eyes forever. He could write song after song about how beautiful Yeosang was just looking at _ice cream_. He knew his feelings were growing by the day, but he had no idea he’d be this whipped for the elder. Actually, he did, honestly. He knew from day one Yeosang was someone he couldn’t help but to adore.

The younger held his hands out to hold the pints of ice cream, pretending not to notice when they got to the checkout counter and Yeosang snuck in a couple chocolates. Yeosang loved sweet things, and it wasn’t like Jongho was going to tell on him. He just looked over at Yeosang, grinning, and the older just pressed a finger to his lips again and laughed. He’d buy Yeosang all the chocolates he wanted if it made him laugh more.

“Chocolates, huh?” Jongho held the bags as they walked out of the store, per his request, and let Yeosang walk back with only the bag containing his candy.

“For me and San both. He has a lot of key parts in this choreo, I know he’s got to be tired. And he deserves them. I know he’ll appreciate them, even if he doesn’t eat them right away.” Yeosang smiled, a little embarrassed. He was always so kind and considerate, wasn’t he? He knew they were ones San liked too. He’d seen the other eat them backstage before they went on music shows before.

“I think it’s thoughtful of you, hyung. San appreciates things like that. The reassurance that someone is thinking about him and cares about him.”

Yeosang gave a nod and they fell back into comfortable silence as they entered their building again. Up the stairs, bags in hand, to a practice room where everyone was sitting in a circle waiting for them, looking much more alive than when they had left. Everyone cheered when Jongho walked in and handed them the ice cream.

“Spoons are in the bag.” Jongho sat down next to Yunho, and across from him Yeosang sat down next to San. He watched closely as everyone else dug into the ice cream, but Yeosang quietly handed the candy over to San, who squealed and gave Yeosang a quick hug before showing the candy to Wooyoung. Yeosang seemed very, very pleased with himself. Jongho must have been smiling like an idiot, because Mingi is the one who elbowed him.

“Not very sneaky, are we?” He gave a sneaky wink, speaking low, then handed Jongho the cherry ice cream and a spoon. “Dig in, we don’t have much time!”

“Everyone say thank you to Jongho and Yeosang for going out so we could sit down.” Seonghwa spoke quickly so he could get a bite of the coconut caramel ice cream in. Everyone loudly thanked them, mouths still full, and Jongho looked over to Yeosang.

For a brief moment, they shared a look, a happy, pleased, content one where they were both grinning and… enjoying themselves. Wooyoung got Yeosang’s attention by feeding him another bite of ice cream, going on about how he had been the one who said Yeosang was the ice cream master. Yunho was debating on whether they should have gotten a coffee flavor for caffeine, and Hongjoong was giggling to himself about the idea of coffee ice cream actually caffeinating someone.

Each day was getting harder and harder to not tell Yeosang how much he liked him. Because each day brought new reasons to fall for him, new smiles, new laughs, new… memories to be made together. Maybe they weren’t as close as the other members were, nothing like Wooyoung and San, or even Mingi and Yunho, but they were happy. They worked well together. And here, Jongho could watch Yeosang and make him happy without ruining anything.

He wanted to say something. He wanted to be the source of that happiness. And when he looked at Yeosang, he could feel something tugging at his heart. But he couldn’t risk it. He just couldn’t risk it.

Jongho spent the rest of his time mindlessly eating the ice cream, then helped clean up so they could get back to work. While he was in the corner throwing stuff away, San was the one to walk up to him.

“Jonghooo~ A little birdie let me know that someone has a crush~”

“Was that birdie Wooyoung?”  
  
San smirked, glancing over his shoulder to make sure they were alone. “Only because I asked him why you were staring so intently at Yeosang whenever he did _anything_. Today, every time he took a bite, your eyes watched the spoon go into his mouth. Literally, every time. Wooyoung said you were trying to hide it, but you’re really not. Aren’t you going to tell him? I bet he’d be happy.”

“Every couple of months someone else finds out and every couple of months I have to say it again—no. I’m not going to tell him. Not for a while. I need to—”

“Work out your feelings, yeah, yeah. Wooyoung told me about the movie night.” San waved a hand, but then hooked his arm around Jongho’s shoulders. “Yeosang isn’t the kind of guy who would keep that atmosphere awkward, you know? He’d still want to be your friend. He wouldn’t treat you differently. Besides, you’re talking like there’s no way that he’d ever like you. When that’s an entire lie.”

Jongho knew San was teasing him and trying to make him confess, but he had to wonder if there was any truth to what he was saying. San, Wooyoung, and Yeosang were all close. He wondered if the older two had noticed something in private that he hadn’t.

San gave Jongho a quick pat on the back before returning to the boys, and Jongho let his eyes trail over to Yeosang, who was already going over some key points with Yunho again. Always hard working, always wanting to improve himself. Someone Jongho admired and had so much to learn from.

Was it possible… Yeosang felt similar?

**IV.**

The next time Jongho almost let his feelings about Yeosang out was right after their home concert in Seoul.

All of them were riding a high like never before when they performed that day. Atiny from their home of Korea, ones from neighboring countries, even ones from overseas came just to see them. It was one of the most special experiences Jongho had ever, ever experienced in his life. They danced like never before, and they were always full of energy, full of sharp movements—but it was like becoming possessed on stage. The best high in the world.

Jongho hit notes like never before, even for him, because the energy around him was so much, and it filled his body with electric, with enough to belt out like never before. It made him feel like he was on top of the world. The love poured out from both sides was not something Jongho would ever, ever forget. Their most special first concert, and it had ended too soon for any of their liking.

When they said their final goodbyes and got off the stage, they were still screaming and jumping behind the scenes, though their bodies ached so terribly. There was no happiness in the world like performing a big concert in their home country, surrounded by singing fans waving their light sticks. People who willingly spent their time and money just to see them. Truly, it must be the best happiness in the world.

The boys all gathered in a circle in their waiting room, huddled together, sweat still dripping down their faces.

“Today was fantastic. I’m so, so proud of all of you. Day 2 will be even better!” With a chant of ‘8 makes 1 team’, Hongjoong dismissed them to change and get ready to go back to the dorm to try and catch a little sleep before the next day. Each of them changes back into their sweats and comfy clothes, makeup still on, hair messed up, and walked outside to where their cars would be picking them up.

Seonghwa, Yunho, San, and Wooyoung had split up into one car so they could go pick up some food for them to have back at the dorm, while Jongho, Yeosang, Mingi, and Hongjoong waited for the next car. They all piled in, and it was back home they went.

Mingi and Hongjoong were already crashing, headphones in, knowing they needed a little nap before getting back to eat a late dinner. Which meant, thanks to Hongjoong, Yeosang and Jongho were the ones left in the backseat. The radio in the car was silently playing something, the driver intent on watching the road. It was calming, like white noise. If Jongho wasn’t so keen to enjoy the time close to Yeosang, he may have slept a little.

“I think that was the most confident I’ve ever felt in my life.” Yeosang’s voice was so deep when he spoke quietly, humming like vibrations through Jongho’s body. “Everyone looked so happy. I’m… I’m glad we can do that for people.”

“You were really cool out there, hyung.” And, because it would be ‘normal’ of him, Jongho reached a hand up to touch Yeosang’s hair. “Everyone loved the bright blond. It suits the concept you’re going for lately. Long hair suits you.”

Yeosang smiled bashfully, illuminated by the streetlights around them, and brought a hand up to tuck some of his hair behind his ear. It had been styled when they had started with ‘Win’ but sweat had undone most of the hairspray by the time they had finished.

“I don’t think I’ll ever do a mullet like hyung. But I think I’ll let it grow for a little while and see what happens. I don’t know if I’ll dye it right away. Might just stick to blond.” Yeosang fiddled with the ends of his hair before lowering his hand with a smile.

“You can do whatever you want, hyung, but I like this look on you.” Jongho spoke quietly as well, speaking just into the space between them. Mingi and Hongjoong he was sure were asleep, given their even breathing and stillness, but he still wanted to be quiet so they didn’t hear.

The two fell back into silence for a couple of minutes, Jongho noticing out of the corner of his eye the way Yeosang was tugging at the ends of his hoodie over his hands. It was a comfortable silence. The kind that could only occur when you truly, truly trusted someone. It put Jongho at ease knowing they could just _exist_ beside one another in such a comfortable way.

“You were really cool out there too, you know.” Yeosang smiled his sweet, small smile. Something Jongho had come to love more and more over the past few months. “Everyone thinks you’re really cool. You’re our main vocal for a reason.”

“We’re _all_ really cool out there.” Yeosang laughed a little and reached a hand over to hit at Jongho’s thigh.

“Take the compliment. You deserve it. You work really hard for us, for atiny, you deserve a lot of praise. You had a lot of wreaths out today. And you sang _beautifully_. I could listen to you all day.”

Now Jongho was thankful for the darkness of the car, because his cheeks were _burning_. Praise was something he tended to brush off, something that he kept humble about, because he knew he had so much to improve on with his voice and his performing. He wanted to show the best sides of himself, and he knew he wasn’t quite there yet. Having Yeosang praise him so much just made his heart race _maddeningly_ in his chest.

“I have a lot to learn from you still, hyung.” Jongho’s voice was quieter than it had been possibly ever with Yeosang. “You’re really selfless. Kind. Try to make sure everyone is included no matter what. Put everything you have into everything you do, no matter how big or small. It’s really admirable.”

Yeosang lifted his head, turning it enough to see where his hand was resting on Jongho’s thigh. In the passing lights outside, Jongho watched Yeosang’s eyes soften, and his smile widen. “That means a lot to me. Thank you.”

Jongho, in his confidence, in the silence of the car, reached his hand atop of Yeosang’s and gave it a little squeeze. “Anything for you, hyung.”

So many words stayed resting on Jongho’s tongue. That Yeosang was beautiful, that he shined like a star on stage, that he was so selfless it just made Jongho love him more and more, that he had been in love with him for months now, that he wanted to say anything and everything that would make Yeosang feel as happy as he was right then. His lips twitched as he almost, almost let it out, but he refrained. Now wasn’t the time, if there would ever be a time.

The silence filled their space again. But their hands didn’t unlock from one another. No, they stayed like that, Jongho’s hand over Yeosang’s, resting atop of Jongho’s thigh, the rest of the way back to their dorm. It was comfortable. They didn’t need to talk the entire time to understand one another. Jongho wondered if Yeosang could feel his feelings through their hands, if his eyes had told the story of how much he longed for him.

The car arrived back to the dorm in no time, all of them moving to rub their eyes when the light came on. They groaned tiredly and picked up their bags, got themselves out, and all headed upstairs to freshen up before the others got back. Yeosang and Jongho didn’t talk about what happened in the car.

Jongho walked into his and Mingi’s room long enough to put his phone on its charger, but before he could leave, he sensed it. A confrontation. Like he Spiderman, ready to strike. Mingi.

“Do I really have to go through this with _another_ member?” Mingi grinned and shook his head at the younger. Who was so close to _pouting_.

“Nah, I’ve known for a while. I’m your roommate, I know _everything_. Which, I also snuck into the kitchen the night you guys watched a movie to get something to drink and saw you two cuddling. Then there were the many, many other incidents of you staring at him when you thought no one was looking. San was right, you really _don’t_ try to hide it. We all talked about it the day you two went and got ice cream.”

Mingi walked over and leaned against the wall beside of where Jongho was, arms over his chest. Mingi was more of a maknae than Jongho was, but it was times like these, when Mingi was looking down at him, that Jongho was reminded just how much of a hyung the other really was.

“I heard you. Hyung was out like a light, but I heard the conversation. Jongho, you seriously have to say something. I know you think Yeosang is just being nice, which he is, but he doesn’t talk like that to anyone else. Not even Wooyoung. He _roasts_ the rest of us when he compliments us. Like a fun, teasing defensive mechanism to hide his embarrassment. He’s soft with you.”

Jongho paused, licking over his lips before glancing up at Mingi. “… we held hands most of the way back, kinda? After we were done talking. But he hasn’t said anything or acted differently since then. I’m wondering if he was just wanting physical affection for a bit? And trusted me to do that for him?”

Mingi rolled his eyes and sat down on the bottom bunk, his hand reaching out for Jongho’s wrist so he could pull him down.

“He’s short with his affection. You know this. He’ll be cuddly for a second, get his fill, move on. He’s private about it. He likes little things from us. Why we give them to him in little increments. For him to literally hold your hand for like 15 minutes straight is _something_. Do you think he doesn’t like you? At all?” Mingi shook at Jongho’s shoulder. “Do I really need to be the voice of reason for you right now? He _held your hand_!”

“No—no, I know it’s significant. I don’t want to assume things and get my hopes up, though. Maybe he wants to be closer to someone he trusts, and he knows I’m pretty chill like he is. I don’t know, but I can’t risk it.”

“You really think that makes more sense than Yeosang liking you back? Why is it so hard for someone as mature as you to see that? Are you afraid he might actually like you?”

Mingi was… right, actually. He hadn’t considered maybe he was afraid of Yeosang liking him back. It scared him, why did it scare him? Jongho had kind of dated before becoming a trainee, he’d had crushes on people, but… this was Yeosang. Someone so beautiful, so unattainable, so talented—Jongho felt like he didn’t deserve someone like that. Was he afraid that if Yeosang liked him, and they dated, he would disappoint him? Was he so afraid of Yeosang liking him because he was afraid of them breaking up?

“Considering how much you’re zoning out I’m going to guess I nailed that one.” Mingi wrapped a comforting arm around Jongho’s shoulders, but the younger didn’t move. “Don’t be scared, be your usual, confident self! That’s what attracts him! In the car, you were confident about how good he looked and sounded! Be like that!”

Jongho just groaned and covered his face with his hands. “Please, please keep it down. The last thing I need is Yeosang hearing about this because someone else yelled it instead of it coming from me.”

“So, you’ll consider telling him? Wooyoung says you’ve liked him since we did Say My Name. That’s a seriously, seriously long time to not tell someone you like them.”

With a sigh, the youngest nodded. It _had_ been a long time. And he had worked through his feelings for sure by now. He knew he was, as much as he could be silently, in love. That it was a love that made him feel wonderful just to watch Yeosang be happy. He knew it couldn’t just be a crush, just an infatuation. Not now. He knew it was deeper than that.

“I’ll consider it. I promise, Mingi, I’ll consider it. It’s just risky to all of us.”

“ _We_ all want you together.” Mingi rubbed his back for a second before getting up and heading towards their bedroom door. “Don’t brood too long!”

Jongho rolled his eyes, smiling, and waved Mingi off. Alright, well, he knew he had everyone’s approval. Which he had actually kind of needed considering it involved their team. And thankfully, he no longer had to deal with any of the members confronting him about it when they found out. Only person who didn’t know was Yeosang now. It had been a long time, over a year, since his crush had begun. Maybe he really… did need to finally put it out there, tell Yeosang, and see what happened. It wasn’t fair to himself to keep loving someone who might not love him back, when he could find someone who did.

Jongho thought in that moment he didn’t really want to consider someone else being the person he gave all of his romantic love too. No one but Yeosang.

Before he could truly work up the courage to say anything, he heard the others yelling about the food arriving. Yeah, he would consider telling Yeosang. Just not right now. He needed to plan that out and make sure it went perfectly—that it was romantic, but not too forward. It was delicate. He couldn’t just do it right now after their concert. No,there would be a better time. Soon, perhaps. Right now, he would go eat.

**V.**

Jongho did not, in fact, immediately tell Yeosang like he told Mingi he would.

Each day he could feel the hyungs watching him, waiting, each of them giving ample room for Jongho to possibly get a moment alone with him. Each time, he deflected easily, and each time, he got a look from his members. A waiting room wasn’t the right time. The car wasn’t the right time. The dorm with everyone in different rooms but still there wasn’t the right time. There wasn’t time to try and plan for the right time either.

Suddenly, they came upon more time. With the virus and having to postpone their tour, they were trying to do more lives and make more videos to be uploaded, but Jongho had time to plan. Maybe he could get Yeosang alone in one of the practice rooms, or maybe borrow Hongjoong’s studio so he could have some intimate privacy. Because he knew he’d have to explain the entire past year to Yeosang. And talk about how they would proceed when Yeosang politely rejected him.

Yeosang, though, for a little while _he_ was the one who wasn’t around much. Jongho had hurt his ankle and was around the dorm more and more, unable to dance and work out like he had before, but he could still make it to the practice rooms to practice singing or anything else. Yeosang, though, had been out with Hongjoong quite a bit at the company and wouldn’t tell anyone else what was going on.

Jongho was far from jealous, of course. He wasn’t the type. If Yeosang liked Hongjoong, sure, that was fine. As long as he was happy. He was more concerned with the fact that it was Yeosang and their _leader_ at the company all the time. Yeosang wasn’t in trouble, was he? Nothing serious was happening, was it? Jongho had asked Wooyoung if Yeosang had said anything about it, but not even Wooyoung entirely knew. Both of them figured it was nothing serious since they both acted just fine, but Jongho was still worried.

It was one evening that something finally clicked in Jongho to say something.

It had started with Hongjoong saying to make sure he checked the Ateez twitter account. Okay, that was a little cryptic, but alright. He checked a few times in the evening, relaxing in his bunk, until it was finally posted. Yeosang’s video of him singing.

_That_ was why he had been with Hongjoong so much. He was practicing and recording a song he wanted to post for atiny. Thank God he already had his headphones in. He turned his volume up, waiting to hear Yeosang’s beautiful voice. Oh— _Me After You_. What a beautiful song for Yeosang to cover. Something that could really showcase how soothing and wonderful the elder’s voice was.

Jongho knew the song was for atiny, but who could blame him for sitting and wishing, maybe, that it was being directed towards him? How could he not listen to a love song and not wish it was Yeosang singing it to him?

Jongho wasn’t sure how many times he had listened to it. Laying in his bunk, eyes closed, just replaying Yeosang’s video over and over again. Every lyric. ‘ _We understand each other about little things_ ,’ or ‘ _I love you_ ,’ or ‘ _I want to be with you forever._ ’

Jongho thought about all of the happy times they had shared together. He thought of the memories laughing, traveling, their accomplishments, of all the wonderful things they shared together. He thought about how many more memories he wanted to make with Yeosang. More wins together on shows, more vacation memories, more… anything. More memories just with Yeosang at his side.

“I was happy after meeting you too.” Jongho spoke quietly, barely a whisper, into the empty room. He knew they were all home. He knew Yeosang had posted the video and he was at their dorm right then in one room, happy, while Jongho pined for him in another room. And it was Yeosang’s video to atiny, not him. But he couldn’t contain the urge to keep listening and imagining Yeosang singing that with him.

In that moment, Jongho realized how cowardly it was to keep what he was feeling all this time a secret. He had to come clean. Midnight was not the time to do it, but he had to start getting an idea together. Where they could talk privately and work it out. He couldn’t—he couldn’t keep quiet anymore.

Jongho sent a quick text to Hongjoong, telling him he saw the video, and they needed to talk. Just for a minute.

He heard a knock on the door and expected Hongjoong to come in, so he politely told the person to come in as he moved to sit at the edge of the bottom bunk. But Hongjoong was not the one who came in.

Yeosang was.

**I.**

The room was a bit messy from where they had been in it so much, Jongho was in his sweats, there was nothing romantic about the atmosphere at all. Jongho panicked a little and tried to fix his hair as Yeosang came in, shutting the door quietly behind him. This was not how he wanted to confess his feelings—but he didn’t have much of a choice now.

“Hyung asked me to check on you, is everything ok?” God, and he sounded so sweet when he was concerned about him. He’d just uploaded such a fantastic cover; he shouldn’t look down and worried about Jongho.

“I’m fine! I’m fine.” He waved his hands at Yeosang, unable to stop himself from frowning, though. “Actually… can we talk? You and I?” Yeosang seemed a little worried, but he nodded and walked over to sit on the edge of the bed next to the younger boy, hands clasped in his lap, looking as soft and angelic as ever.

“I have something I need to tell you. And please, let me get through it first before you say anything. If I stop, I don’t know if I can keep going.” Yeosang seemed even more concerned now than he had when he walked in, but he did as Jongho asked and silently nodded to show he was listening. Well. It was now or never.

“I… like you. A lot, actually. Not just as my hyung, but I’ve liked you for a really long time. When we filmed Say My Name, I realized I had a crush on you, but I think I liked you even before that and just didn’t realize it. All of the hyungs found out pretty quickly.” Jongho actually laughed a little, hand coming up to rub at his neck.

“Said I wasn’t being very secretive about it. Anyways, I’ve… kept in that I like you for a really long time. I almost told you the night I carried you to bed and the night in the car after the concert, but I really, really wanted it to be romantic. You deserve that much, hyung. But I watched your video a few times tonight and I just _can’t_ keep it in anymore. I didn’t want to hurt the team or make you feel bad, and I really don’t want to make you feel pressured. I thought I’d be fine to keep quiet about it, but I really wasn’t.”

Jongho paused for just a second to think, but not too long so Yeosang didn’t think he was done. The entire time he’d been talking, he hadn’t even looked up from his hands. He had no idea what Yeosang looked like as he talked.

“Everything I’ve ever said to you, about how nice you’ve looked, or how kind you are, I mean it all from the bottom of my heart. You’re so… _ethereal_. You have the most amazing look in your eye, it makes me want to look at you and never look away—and your smile, how you scrunch your nose up when you laugh really hard, how genuine and kind you are… I love every part of you. I know I do. Every time you smile and you’re happy, all I want to do is make sure you always feel like that. I’m rambling, I’m not making sense, but I needed to tell you how I felt. Honestly.”

Jongho reached a hand onto the bed between them, almost like a peace offering. Yeosang didn’t move. “I don’t want you to think that you have to like me back, hyung. Seriously. We can talk this out and figure out how to move on with the future. I seriously don’t want to jeopardize our team and our relationship as it is right now. But it’s been a long time that I’ve felt this way. You deserved to know.”

The room was entirely silent, but Jongho could hear the blood rushing in his ears, would have sworn his heart was beating so loudly in his chest that everyone in Korea could hear it. Jongho was still afraid of Yeosang liking him back. More than he feared a rejection. If rejected, he could move on easily. There was no room to mess up a relationship when he never had it to begin with. And they could move on and forget he said anything.

The air was still, both of them simply taking in what had been said. Jongho wouldn’t rush this, though he was dying to hear Yeosang say something. The youngest let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding in, quietly under his breath, and closed his eyes. It was out there. It was all out in the open now.

Then there was a hand atop his own.

Jongho looked over, but Yeosang was also looking down, hair covering most of his face. But he could see how red the tips of Yeosang’s ears were. Matched Jongho’s, probably. Jongho only barely moved his hand, just so their fingers could link together. Just like that night together in the car, after their concert.

“… I like you too, you know.” Yeosang’s deep voice filled his ears and did nothing to silence his racing heart. “I have for a while too. But how do you tell your member that you like him, when he probably doesn’t like men, let alone you? I remember… the night you carried me to Wooyoung’s bunk. I couldn’t help but think maybe you would have stayed the night with me. I knew you wouldn’t, but I imagined maybe you would.”

Yeosang let out a little embarrassed laugh. “I’m really bad at this. Confessing, that is. I always thought we fit well together. People who are rather calm but know when to be fun and have fun. Who want everyone around us to be happy and included? I thought our personalities fit. But I’m also pretty good at hiding my true feelings. For the most part. Wooyoung and San had to hear me whine a little, but… I’m glad they never told you what I told them. I sang that song tonight for atiny, but I had been hoping you’d hear it too, actually.”

Jongho himself laughed a little. He was a little in shock, honestly. Because there was no wave of relief washing over him, though Yeosang said he liked him back. He was still nervous, still afraid of messing this up. But there was something warm growing in his chest to match the pink of his cheeks.

“I guess we’re both kinda bad at this, aren’t we?” Yeosang finally looked up when Jongho spoke, and the light in his eyes… was all because of Jongho. The wide smile, the glittering eyes, the flush to his cheeks, he was _beautiful_. And for the first time, _Jongho_ had been what made him so happy.

The relief finally washed over him.

If they did this, it would take two. It would take them both to work it out. However, knowing that he could make Yeosang look that happy, be _that_ happy, Jongho thought it would be worth it to try. Nervous as he was, he wanted it to work.

“Maybe we are. But we’ve both had a lot of time to work our feelings out.” Yeosang bit at his bottom lip, eyes averting to the side for the briefest of moments. “I don’t know how good of a boyfriend I’ll be. I haven’t… dated a guy before. And it’s been a very long time since I’ve dated someone. But if you’re willing to see what it’d be like, I think… I’d like to give it a try.”

“I’d like to give it a try too, hyung.” Jongho squeezed the hand in his own. “I really, really do. I don’t know what kind of a boyfriend I’ll be either, but we can work that out. I think we’ll be just fine.”

“Yeah. I do too, Jongho.”

The two were left simply looking at one another, then both broke out in a fit of giggles. Giddy, happy, overjoyed to _finally_ get their feelings out. Yeosang scooted a little closed, and Jongho moved their hands so they could _properly_ hold hands.

“Hey! No one is talking! Did you two finally work your feelings out?!”  
  
Both of them looked to the door, where Wooyoung’s voice was coming from the hallway. Jongho rolled his eyes as Yeosang broke out into laughter.

“Yes, hyung!”

Suddenly, there was an eruption of cheers in the hallway from all of the member. Jongho groaned loudly, taking his hand back from Yeosang so he could hide his face in both hands. Yeosang, ever embarrassed as well, just wrapped an arm around Jongho and pulled him closer, hiding his face in the younger boy’s shoulder.

“I’m changing groups. I’m never telling them anything ever again.” Jongho pulled himself together, grinning, and looked over to Yeosang. Beautiful Yeosang, with his messy blond hair and pink birthmark by his eye, who was looking at Jongho like he hung the moon and stars. The same way Jongho looked at Yeosang. Yeah, things would be alright.

“Can I kiss you, hyung?”

Yeosang looked away out of embarrassment, laughing lightly, but pulled himself together and nodded. “Sorry—it isn’t funny. I’m just a little embarrassed. It’ll take some getting used to. Having a boyfriend. Having someone be romantic.”

Jongho just laughed with him and nodded his head. “Yeah, honestly, it’ll take time. But I’m excited to spend that time with you. No one else I’d rather be with.”

“There you go _again_.” Yeosang laughed a little more this time, cheeks redder than before, and Jongho wrapped his arm around the elder’s waist to pull him close.

“So… _can_ I kiss you?”

“Please, before you say something else cheesy.”

Jongho used his free hand to reach up and cup Yeosang’s cheek, letting his thumb brush over Yeosang’s pink birthmark, before it moved down to brush against the heated skin of Yeosang’s cheek. They paused for just a second to give one another a look, one of pure, unadulterated _happiness_. Jongho leaned in, head tilted, to finally close the space between them.

He wouldn’t say there were fireworks when their lips met. It felt more like _melting_. Yeosang’s lips were soft, unsure, but _sweet_. The kind of kiss whose warmth reached the tips of your fingers and made you feel like being welcomed _home_. A kiss that felt like everything in the universe, in that moment, was right. And it was only a chaste, quick kiss.

When Jongho pulled back, he kept his hand on Yeosang’s cheek, thumb still stroking his skin, and pressed his forehead to the elder’s. Both of them just enjoying the moment of pure peace and happiness together.

“We should go on a date, hyung.”

“Just tell me where and where.”

Yes, they could get through this together. Jongho felt like it was just the beginning of something very wonderful.


End file.
